Man Meets Stove Kickstarter Project LAUNCHED!!!!

Yeah, yeah, we know, it's Christmas, but the good news is, you can pledge now, and pay in January!  How cool is THAT?


In exchange, we have very cool rewards for those that pledge, be sure to check out the video.


Click on the link below and spread the word if you like it!  Thanks for your support!

An Ode to the Spoon

This article in Bon Appetite on chefs and their spoons immediately captivated us.  "There's a connection between chefs and their spoons that most people who don't work in kitchens don't realize.  Chef's use spoons for practically every job, including basting, plating, saucing, tasting, flipping and turning meat, or simply stirring a pot".  Cory Lee of Benu in San Fransisco.

Indeed. Jim found a particular spoon and loved it so much that he went back to Sur La Table and bought every one they still had.  Yes, it's not a glorious custom-made silver spoon with a certain bowl size, it's a lowly wooden spoon/spatula.  But it's his, and he LOVES it.  Jim says, "I use it for everything, just like it says in the article.  I have three of those spoons and when they die, I'm going to go on a hunt for more, and possibly have to have more made, if I can't find some like it.  I'm obssessed, I constantly reach for them in the kitchen".


"We use different styles and shapes of spoons depending on the task we are trying to acheive," says Thomas Keller of the French Laundry in London, "For shaping quenelles, we look for spoons with a deep and tapered head.  For saucing, we will use spoons that have a square or straight edge for maximum control."


So the next time your in the kitchen, consider the lowly spoon.  Do you have one you gravitate to?  Consider, and keep an eye on it, because someone may be hunting for YOUR special spoon.

Man Meets Stove Book Excerpt!!!!

Heart Attack Hollandaise

Soundtrack: Heartbeat of Rock ‘n roll by Huey Lewis and the News

3 Eggs

1 1/2 Tablespoons Water

One stick butter

3 to 4 Tablespoons Tarragon Vinegar

Salt and Pepper

Start by filling a sink (or a pot larger than the one you will be cooking in) partially with cool water.  You’ll use this water to rapidly cool the bottom of the pot later.

Melt butter in a pot over medium heat (or nuke it to melted).  Completely melt the butter, but not so it’s burning hot. Crack open the eggs and place them into a bowl.  Add water to the bowl and whisk the eggs and water together very well until they are one color throughout.

Now comes the hard part.  Turn the heat down on the butter pot.  If you look at the flame, you want it to be a 2 on a 5 scale, the 5 being full flame, 1 being almost no flame.  Low heat, but not too low.  If not sure, go lower, not hotter, until you get the hang of it, lower heat will simply take a little longer and your whisk arm may fall off.  If you go too hot, the eggs will become little bits in a butter mix, not a sauce.  You can recover this by blending the hell out of it.

Pour the egg mixture into the melted butter and start whisking the pot gently, or faster if you see visible egg bits starting to float around in the pot.  Do not stop whisking.  The goal is to keep the eggs from forming a thin omelet on the bottom of the pot.  You want to keep stirring until the eggs "go off" and thicken the mixture from a liquid to a gravy-like sauce.  When you see it turning into the desired thickness of a sauce, immediately pull the pot off the fire and put the pot bottom into the cold water in the sink so the bottom of the pot is immediately cooled off and stops cooking the sauce.  You may want to keep whisking a little bit while it cools.
Now here's the thing - we are told that people use lemon for Hollandaise Sauce.  Why?  We have no idea.  It tastes a bit like dessert that way.  We like tarragon vinegar and like it much.  Once you cool the pot a little, take it out, add two tablespoons of vinegar and taste the sauce.  If it is strong enough for you, excellent.  We usually add at least two more tablespoons of tarragon vinegar, or more, to taste.  Sometimes we make it light for guests and "Rip your face off strong" for ourselves in a separate small pitcher.

Salt and pepper to taste.

Sometimes people use just the egg yokes in the sauce.  The sauce will be really thick and tasty if you do it that way[1].

Now all of this involved process, we are told, can be avoided by the use of a double boiler to even the heat out and cook the sauce slowly, but that is cheating and we will not give you your Girl Scout chef merit badge if you do it.  Actually, we have never had a double boiler when we needed it, and see them as somewhat of a unitasker (bad) unless one makes candy a lot, so we do it our way.

You can also do much the same thing in a blender or a microwave.  How embarrassing.  Don’t talk to us.

We generally make 2 to 3 times this recipe and eat it on broccoli cooked al dente.  Please do NOT overcook the broccoli, American style.  Limp broccoli is a vile abomination unto the gods. 

---

[1] Screw your cholesterol.  This is cooking.

Cook a Turkey in 45 Minutes!!!

Hamburger Help Her - Military Spec

SECTION 0H323-7N

Hamburger Help Her 

PART  1  GENERAL

1.1     SECTION INCLUDES

A.       Nutritional admixture for protein and pasta

B.       Use recommendations for usage of completed admixture

C.       Cheese applications

D.       Sauce and Seasoning packet entry and introduction

E.       The work of this section applies to protein and pasta in the following locations:

1.       Packed office worker lunch

2.       Packed lunch of minor sibling of prospective spouse

3.       Hot meal served in desperate attempt

4.       Leftover eating

5.       Meals on moving day

1.2     RELATED SECTIONS

A.       Section 0H323-7 – Dry Pasta:  Pasta acquisition and use

B.       Section 0F013-3B - Beef:  Why it’s what’s for Lunch

C.       Section 0A001-A1 – Why bad food happens to good people

1.3     REFERENCES

A.       NPA 1207.2 – Dry Pasta

B.       NPA 1222.4 – Fresh Pasta

C.       USDA MC6 – Macaroni and Cheese for use in domestic programs

D.       ASTM J 39/C 39LM - Standard Test Method for Compressive Strength of Cylindrical Elbow Macaroni

E.       ASTM J 309J 74W - Standard Specification for Liquid Membrane-Forming Compounds for Dry Pasta Sauce Generation

F.       ASTM X 666 - Standard Test Method for Resistance of Date to Alcohol

G.      COJ CRD-C 56 - Standard Test Method for Water Permeability of White Blouse

H.       NSFW 61 – Pictographic Symbolic Representation of Ex-GirlFriend

1.4     SUBMITTALS

A.       Submit only when Quality Assurance test measures have been accomplished and you have washed your hands and changed out of your mom’s old Kitchen apron.

Addenda: Didn’t we tell you to get rid of that thing?

B.       Product Data:  Manufacturer's data sheets on each product to be used, including:

1.       Preparation instructions and recommendations.

2.       Storage and handling requirements and recommendations.

3.       Installation methods.

C.       Manufacturer's Certificates: Certify products meet or exceed specified requirements.

1.5     QUALITY ASSURANCE

A.      Taste and Aroma Testing: As you work, taste and smell what you are cooking up, always. Because we warn you, if it smells bad it almost always is bad. This principal has broad application and only very minor exceptions.

B.      Installer Qualifications: We know what you want to install, but you are just working up to the conversation, so cool it.

C.      Pre-installation Meeting:  Before you serve these meager rations, you need to prepare the receiver. Stipulate that you had no other food because you gave it all to the waif orphan that came to the door just before she arrived.  Also this might be a good time to say you are off your game today in the kitchen and maybe set a small bouquet of flowers on the table.

1.6     DELIVERY, STORAGE, AND HANDLING

A.      Deliver materials in manufacturer's original, unopened, undamaged containers with identification labels intact. Scratch that, hide the dam box.  She will know, and you will know, but if you manage to charm her with the tacky apron and the flowers you stole from the neighbor lady, don’t rub her face in it by leaving the box out in plain site.

B.      Store materials protected from exposure to harmful weather conditions and at temperature conditions recommended by manufacturer. i.e. don’t store boxes of Hamburger Helper in the shower, under the bathroom sink or in your sock drawer. In fact we are not sure you shouldn’t just take that whole drawer out to the recycle bin and start over. Socks and all.

1.7     PROJECT CONDITIONS

A.      Maintain environmental conditions (temperature, humidity, and ventilation) within limits recommended by manufacturer for optimum results.  Do not prepare products under environmental conditions outside manufacturer's absolute limits.

1.8     WARRANTY

A.      The product shall have a shelf life of at least one year from date of manufacturer. Product shall not be manufactured more than 45 days prior to shipping. Frankly, if the box has not gone soggy with mildew, we’re pretty sure it’s fine, just go ahead and cook it an extra minute or so, the idea being that pasta and chemical seasonings “go bad” is just good marketing. Just ask the next Cougar you see about shelf life.

1.9     EXTRA MATERIALS

A.      See Section 0HN120085.2 - Product Requirements, for additional provisions.

B.      Section 0HN120085.2 – Everyone thinks they have extra material, but usually it is only Brunettes.

PART  2  PRODUCTS

2.1     MANUFACTURERS

A.      Betty Crocker, Suizie Microwave, Rebecca Fire Pit or other approved provider

B.      Substitutions:  Not permitted.

C.      Requests for substitutions will be considered in accordance with provisions of Section 01600.

D.      Section 01600 Didn’t I say no substitutions.

2.2     MATERIALS

A.      Fresh Tomato to add a bit of realism to this disaster you have been brewing

B.      1 pound ground beef, not the extra lean crap, get the ground steak if you can find it

C.      Extra Cheddar Cheese for a bump of cheesy goodness

D.      The meat shall conform to the applicable provisions of the Meat and Poultry Inspection Regulations (9 CFR Parts 301 to 350).  Noncarcass components (e.g., cheek meat, head meat, ox tails, esophagus, hearts, elbows, assholes and similar by-products, also known collectively as “offal”) shall not be used.

E.    The pasta delivered in the Betty Crocker 5.80 ounce box shall meet the requirements as specified in the Commercial Item Description for Pasta Products, Enriched (CID) A-A-20062D, except for the following:

1) Only Semolina flour shall be used

2) Only enriched elbow style macaroni shall be used

3) Size of elbow style macaroni shall be:

a)            Thickness                                  0.0034 inch to 0.057 inch

b)            Diameter                                    0.190 inch to 0.220 inch

c) Length (outer Curvilinear)                        1/4 inch to 1/2 inch

2.3     Potable Water Contact Approval:  NSF certification for use in preparations requiring potable water, based on testing in accordance with NSF 61.

A.       One medium sized frying pan containing 1 cup Potable Water, with well-fitting cover.

1.       Coverage:  full pot circumference

PART  3  EXECUTION

3.1     PASTA MIXING AND PLACING

A.       Comply with requirements of Section 03300.

B.       Make and test trial mixes under project conditions to determine dosage rate.

C.       Add extra cheese and fresh tomato near end of heating transfer, otherwise following manufacturer's instructions.

D.       Heat ground beef in pan, stirring to break up chunks.

E.       Drain fat from frying pan after beef has browned.

F.       Stir in 1 cup hot water

G.       Add admixture elements, 2 cups milk, sauce packet contents and uncooked pasta

H.       Reduce heat to medium low and cover to simmer roughly 10 minutes

I.        Stir occasionally

J.       Cook until pasta is al dente, remove from heat

K.      Add admixture extras here

L.       Sauce will thicken, so don’t waste your time.

3.2     SECTION 03300

A.      Dress this homely dish by browning a half of a small onion chopped fine in butter before adding the ground beef

B.      A handful of mushrooms wouldn’t go wrong either, add those in when the onions just start to look clear, and let the mushrooms shrink down, as they will.

C.      Cut open a single clove of garlic on the fat end, rub that around on the bottom of the pan before you add the onion and mushroom.

D.      Add four (4) shakes of oregano or two small finger pinches to the ground beef just as it starts to sizzle

E.      Grind some fresh black pepper over the beef as it cooks and stir it in

F.      After you plate, give the pasta and meat a short grind of the good pink sea salt, not very much, as that sauce packet has enough salt to kill a seaman.

G.      Before you even start down this road, consider how close Lent is, maybe you could sell her on the idea that you think the two of you should give up dinner for the day in preparation for the coming religious holiday.

END OF SECTION

Knife Skills

Family Values

Wife: "I think it's time to pull up the cherry tomato plant, the tomatoes are very small and I think it's done."

Me: "Well it has been putting out like a Hollywood girlfriend.

Wife: "WOW" "WOW" WOW".

Me: Been working on the men's cookbook a lot have I?

Kale Chips

Cut Kale leaves off stems, drizzle w olive oil, add seasoned salt. Bake at 350 till crispy chips.

Pickle

Tonights veggie is a pickle. Take THAT food pyramid! - Jessica Benzakein

Master Class - LA Times articles by great chefs like Thomas Keller

The Los Angeles Time has a great series of articles called "Master Class" which includes writing by such great chef's as Thomas Keller on seasoning and brining, Nancy Silverton on focaccia, Tom Colicchio on using vinaigrette as a braising liquid, and Sang Yoon on how to kick catsup into an experience. 

Thomas Keller on Seasoning

Nancy Silverton on Focacia

Tom Colicchio on Vinaigrette

Sang Yoon on Catsup



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Military Recipe April 1957 - Shit on a Shingle (SOS)

Repost of a classic Man Meets Stove recipe:

Be sure and get your carcass ready.....

TM 10-412-1
DEPARTMENT OF THE ARMY TECHNICAL MANUAL
ARMY RECIPES

(MEAT, POULTRY,
FISH, GRAVIES, SAUCES,
AND DRESSING)
 

DEPARTMENT OF THE ARMY  -  APRIL 1957

NO. A-34 CREAMED GROUND BEEF ON TOAST

            100 Servings
            1 cup each
            Preparation and cooking time: about 11/4 hours

BEEF, CARCASS...................35 POUNDS
Cut in pieces and grind (FINE).

OR
BEEF, BONELESS,
      GROUND (FINE).............24 POUNDS
Brown beef in its own fat in roasting pans on top of range.
Remove excess fat during cooking period.

ONIONS, DRY,
      CHOPPED (FINE).............1 POUND……....…3/4 QUART
SALT………………..………..5 OUNCES…….......1/2 CUP
PEPPER, BLACK……...……1/4 OUNCE….......….1 TABLESPOON
BAY LEAF…………………………………….........1 LEAF
Add onions and seasoning and mix thoroughly.

MILK, EVAPORATED………………………..........2 GALLONS
(WATER FOR MILK)………........…………………2 GALLONS
Add 3 gallons of milk to beef mixture and heat to simmering, stir-
      ring frequently

FLOUR, WHEAT, HARD.…...2 POUNDS……........1 ¾ QUARTS
Mix flour with the remaining gallon of milk and stir into hot mix-
      ture.
Bring to a boil, stirring steadily, reduce heat and simmer until
      thickened.

TOAST…………………………………………........100 SLICES
Serve on toast.


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Modernist Cooking - Centrifuges

So we here at Man Meets Stove have been admiring the modernist chefs use of centrifuges to make interesting things, like Pea Butter (blended frozen peas spun in a centrifuge for 3 hours to make a puck of pea starch, pea oil, and a little "pea butter".  Apparently it is absolutely the sex of peas.  

We have started looking for an inexpensive lab centrifuge to try this miracle substance, and ran across this advice: 

Rule #1 - Never buy a centrifuge when the eBay address is Yucca Mountain, Nevada or Hanford, Washington nuclear facilities.

Rule #2 - See rule #1 

- JBailey

Thanks, JBailey.  Duly noted.


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Image: Marco Torresin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sushi Cupcakes!

A Facebook friend of Jim's, Jen Kimura, posted that she was preparing for her mom's "Cupcake Wars Party" and then shortly thereafter started posting these terrific pictures of cupcakes made to look like sushi in a bento box! 

Jim asked her about them and she was gracious enough to tell us:

"I saw some posts about rice crispy sushi, but that was gross to me. And using coconut shavings was just too much coconut, so these are white jimmies/sprinkles- and much more rice-like. The decorations are shaped "Now and Later" candies, cut up gummy worms, and "Swedish Fish" candies. Some people use green "Fruit by the Foot" for the nori [sushi seaweed wrapper]. But its hard to find THAT MUCH solid green Fruit by the Foot. So I use black/ dark brown wrappers- which are not gross and sticky when you handle them - unlike Fruit by the Foot.

When I'm lazy I use remade pillsbury classic white mix and pillsbury whipped white frosting. When I'm not lazy I use Magnolia Bakery's Vanilla Cupcake and Buttercream recipe.

They are packed in sushi bento boxes because it's easier to transport and cuter. Because they are in the boxes, I make the mini cupcakes. Also, regular sized cupcakes are not properly proportioned. The Ginger is Now and Laters, the wasabi is green frosting, the soy
sauce is chocolate syrup.  Hope that helps!"

It sure does Jen.  Thanks so much for sharing your skillz with us!

Jen got her decorations at Classic Cake Decorations in Garden Grove, California.

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Cookies! Nutter Betters

Soundtrack:  Anything by Sir Mix-a-Lot

You know how this goes, it is after work and you are craving Peanut Butter Cookies and a little nookie. Or is that just us?  Well we can help you with the former and you can use these cookies to get the latter.  So get on it.  The cookies that is. 

Tom searched around and found a few hundred peanut butter cookie recipes. Since he's actually good for a few hundred cookies, that coincidence worked out well.  Your gonna need a tool. No not that tool, a stand mixer.  Otherwise you'll have to stir until your arm falls off and you might need that arm later. 

Engage your inner Nutter and get your supplies ready. These are from scratch, so you kitchen lightweights are going to have to sit this one out.

Supplies:

Unsalted butter – 5 sticks

Creamy peanut butter – Big Tub

Quick oatmeal oats.

White Flour – 2 cups

Baking powder 2 teaspoons

Baking soda – 4 teaspoons

Sugar: white, light brown, and/or dark brown - 2 1/4 cups

Eggs - 2

Cinnamon

Vanilla

Powdered sugar

Set the pound (or so) of unsalted butter out to warm up to room temperature. In a medium sized bowl mix the flour, two teaspoons (that’s the little spoon) of baking powder and four teaspoons of baking soda. If you had to drag the baking soda out of the bottom of the fridge then you should probably consider buying a new box. Whisk (stir briskly) that mixture to thoroughly mix together the magic powders and set it aside.
Set your hotbox to heat up to 350.

Drop the pound of butter into the bowl of your mixer, and add in a cup of creamy peanut butter. Add more (up to say a half cup) if you want it more peanuttie.  Yes "peanuttie" is a word. This is the big flavor deal with these cookies. A glob of peanut butter one way or the other won't hurt anything, so feel free to experiment.  We know she will. 

Since this only has a pound of butter so far, we need to get the calorie count up, so add in 2¼ cups of sugar.  White, light brown, or dark brown in any combination is fine.   Yes, we are still talking about sugar.  Use what you gots, sugar-wise.  All it will change is the flavor, and it will still be a killer cookie, so knock yourself out. Drop the sugar into the mixer.  Turn the stand mixer on.  As it mixes, if the sides of the bowl in your mixer are getting all gloppy, then scrape it down from the sides.  Only use your finger to scrape the bowl if 1.) no one is watching and 2.) the machine is off and unplugged.  Your probably gonna need that finger later too.  Safety first.  Better yet, use a rubber spatula, machine OFF. 

Toss in two eggs (no shells please) and mix again. Yeah, next time you will want to start those on low speed. WAY less mess that way.  

So mix in the eggs and add a few good shakes of cinnamon and then a nice splash of vanilla. Add in the flour mixture by thirds until it is all in there. You may have to scrape the sides again, machine OFF. Now if you went crazy with the peanut butter, here is where you would add an extra quarter cup of flour and mix it in.

The dough will be really light at this point, so we add two healthy cups of oats, use the “quick oats” or the slow ones, but if you are going to use the slow ones whip out the chefs knife and give the oats a few rounds of chopping, or run them in the food processor for a few short quick bursts.  You might be used to a few quick short bursts, it’s okay.  Mix those oats in and you are ready to bake.

Now scoop the dough out onto greased or buttered cookie sheets lined up like soldiers  ready to load.  If you care at all what these look like or how easily they will be to assemble, then use an ice-cream scoop or big spoon to keep the cookie size more or less consistent. Bake at 350 for about 10 to 12 minutes. If they start to burn, then that was too long, duh.  Set ‘em out on racks to cool.

To make the filling, clean your mixer bowl and toss another stick of butter in your mixer (awesome, right?).  You can use either melted butter or room temperature butter. Mix with an equal amount of creamy peanut butter and then add powdered sugar until you think it is good. Start with a cup and a half of powdered sugar and then taste and add, taste and add, until you like the taste. 

Now this is complicated. To build the Nutter Betters, take a cookie and put some peanut butter sugar goo creme on it.  Put another cookie on-a-topa the first cookie to make a goo sandwich. Repeat till all the cookies are cookie sandwiches.  Try not to eat them all standing there in the kitchen, it is embarrassing.  

Now about that nookie...

Go find your Significant Other.  Have them close their eyes and stick out their tongue. Open a cookie sandwich and slide the cookie creme down their tongue.  We hope you can take it from there.  We know we can. 

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